The Unexpected Phone Call Method.

The Challenge: Your Toddler has Decided they are now Helpless.

Goal: Your toddler is willing to complete tasks they are capable of.  
Has your toddler ever suddenly become ‘helpless’ when faced with a simple task? You’re not alone, and here’s a playful way to handle it.

Story:  “I can’t…”

The other day my 3-year-old son, Auggie, wanted to go outside.  I responded, “What a great idea.  Let's do it.  But first we need to get dressed.” I handed him his socks and shoes and then left the room for a moment to get my shoes.  Upon returning he was playing with a toy, and the socks and shoes remained untouched.  I told him again to put his shoes on but then he ignored me.  I asked again for him to do it and he cried, “I can’t.”  

Now mind you, he’s been putting his shoes on for over a year and a half now with no problem.  I suffer from some serious back issues and if I can avoid bending over, I do. I was frustrated with him because in my mind I was happily agreeing to his plan to go outside and ride bikes and yet he refused to do his part by putting his shoes on.  There have been times in the past that I would add some edge to my voice so that he would know I am frustrated, but I have found (through more than enough past experiments) that this method usually leaves him crying and me on the floor putting his shoes on for him.  

What else could I do?  Fortunately, I had a toy phone nearby (albeit I could have just as easily used my regular cell phone).  I pretended to take a call from Chase, his favorite character in his favorite cartoon, Paw Patrol.  “Hello, yes this is Auggie’s Dad, who is this?.. Ah Chase, Oh Chase from the Paw Patrol. Do you need Auggie’s help?  Got it.  Let me ask him.”

By this time Auggie was looking up at me with a big smile and anticipating what was coming next.  I covered the microphone on the phone and said, “Auggie, Chase is on the phone asking whether you can come help the Paw Patrol.  They are outside and they need to stop Mayor Humdinger from stealing the dog treats.  What should I tell Chase?”  

Auggie was laughing and putting on his shoes.  So not only was I able to get him to put his own shoes on, I was able to draw him closer to me through imaginary play.  

Remember

Frustration is a failure of curiosity.  If you feel frustrated, that means that you likely have stopped looking for creative ways to solve the problem.  More than likely, when we are frustrated we continue to use the same  strategy, just harder.  We begin to hammer harder on the screw, rather than reaching for the screwdriver.  

Ask Yourself

What aspect of the problem could I be curious about now?”  

When my child resists, is there something else they might be trying to communicate, like needing attention or feeling overwhelmed?

Historically, when I show or express my frustration towards my child what happens?  Do I get them to do what I want?  If yes, are there any unintended consequences?

Try This

Either using a real phone or an imaginary one, act out as though you are receiving an important phone call.  Act very excited during the call to increase your child’s engagement and curiosity.  Then begin to share with them which imaginary character is calling.  We want your child to understand that you are engaging them in fantasy play.  We don’t want to make them feel hoodwinked.  Share what the imaginary character wants to tell your child, (example:  “Spiderman is saying that we need to get to school in order to capture Rhino.)

Warning

We want our child to join us in the imaginary scenario so that it is fun for them.  Make sure that you are using humor in such a way that you are both laughing together and that they do not feel belittled.  Also, allow them to join you in the fantasy simulation by eliciting creative ideas from them as well.  

Conclusion

Parenting is full of moments like these—small frustrations that can feel monumental. But by staying curious and playful, we can turn challenges into connections.  When I stopped hammering away at the problem and reached for my metaphorical 'screwdriver,' I discovered how imagination could work wonders.